New Years Resolutions (I'm only a little late...)

I just found this post squirreled away in my computer and realized I never posted it at the beginning of January like I had planned, so here you go. Better late than never, right?

I've never been big on new years resolutions, but I do like to keep hopes and goals in mind when starting a new year. These hopes and goals aren't necessarily within my control, but it's more about sitting down and thinking about where (or who) I'd like to be in another 365 days. It's about what I want to be able to say I did in 2013.

To show you what I mean, here are a few:

1. I want to learn to drink. 

My 21st birthday is in August, and I've decided not to drink until then (with the exception of the one LEGAL drink I had while in Canada), and once I can, I want to learn to do it well. I want to learn alcohols, I want to try new recipes, I want to find a favorite bar, and I want to have the best hangover remedy of all my friends.

2. I want to find a boyfriend.

I'm not one of those chicks that has no sense of self without a man in her life, but I'm ready for a relationship. I realize this one isn't completely in my control, but it's nice to think about.

3. I want to save more money.
I just started working full time six months ago (before that I doubled-up my part-time jobs and made squat), and I've been enjoying having spare money. While I still want to buy the extras that make me happy, I also want to start building my savings account. I'd love to set aside an extra 2,000 this year, but I'm probably going to need some car repairs before the end of the year, so I'll settle for anything over $1200.

4. I want to keep better tabs on my money.
Speaking of money, I want to keep better track of where I spend my money in 2013. I may have let my checkbook register slide onto a back burner at some point during the year, and I don't want to let that happen again. This year, I want to keep a record of where I spend all my money so that I can can get a better idea of where I'm wasting a little too much and adjust that so I can put more money in savings (see above).

5. I want to get out more.
I love my couch, and I love my roommate, but I've got to get out more. It sucks being the guy at the water cooler on Monday morning who says, "Yeah, I had a great weekend too. There was a Scrubs marathon on!" It's time to live a little while I have the opportunity. There will be plenty of chances to sit on my ass and be unproductive later.  

That's None of Your Business!

I'm in a pissy mood today, so allow me to share with you a conversation I have had multiple times in the last few months with complete strangers that has helped contribute to my pissiness.

Stranger: So, are you in school?
Me: No sir.
Stranger: You already finished?
Me: No sir.
Stranger: Why aren't you in school?
Me: Because I work full time. Would you like this stapled?
Stranger: That's no excuse. You should be more ambitious.
Me: I'll get there eventually. Will there be anything else for you today?
Stranger: When I was your age I was working full time, going to school, and had three kids to feed.
Me: Very good. Would you like a bag?
Stranger: You're not being very friendly. You know, I usually get the best service here.
Me: That will be $1.47. Thank you. Have a nice day.

I swear, this is only a slightly exaggerated example. I have seriously had people tell me I'm not driven enough because I find that working a full time job instead of going to school to be a reasonable decision at this point in my life. I'm considering using this particular response next time the conversation comes up:

Stranger: So, are you in school?
Me: No sir.
Stranger: You already finished?
Me: No sir.
Stranger: Why aren't you in school?
Me: Because I work full time doing shit for you that you should be fully capable doing yourself, what with your fancy college degree and all. And because you want me to do this for you whenever it's convenient for you, I'm not permitted by the company to have any alternative commitments or a personal life.
Stranger: That's no excuse. You should be more ambitious.
Me: You know what, that's a great idea. I'll just quit my full-time supervisory position here, live in a refrigerator box, and get my Masters in Rocket Science from Stanford.
Stranger: When I was your age I was working full time, going to school, and had three kids to feed.
Me: Man, sucks to be you. Me, I've chosen to utilize these fantastic little rubber things that let me have all the dirty recreational sex I want without getting knocked up.
Stranger: You're not being very friendly. You know, I usually get the best service here.
Me: If you don't like the service, don't come back. Have a nice day, asshole.

Please, please, please, if you find yourself on the stranger's end of this conversation, mind your own business. It's not your place to ask anyone in the service industry about their family, relationship status, religious beliefs, political preferences, or any other facet of their personal lives. Keep your opinions to yourself, be polite, get your shit and get out. Anything beyond that is overstepping your bounds and preventing the person you're harassing from doing their job.

(Sorry about the rant. Feel free to post your own long-winded stories of woe in the comments.)

Procrastination!

It's been a while since I've posted, so I thought it would be a good idea to check in.

First of all, allow me to explain my absence: I have committed to perfecting the art of procrastination. While I still have a long ways to go, I've developed a strong start. Below is my list of the top 10 things that have been aiding my procrastinating ability.

1. Getting a head start on my taxes is a great idea. I should take many frequent trips to the post office to check for my W2s.

2. Plants vs. Zombies is a very important part of my brain exercises, and if I'm not careful, my roommate will actually surpass me, and that wouldn't be good.

3. My cultural immersion started very late, therefore I should spend as much time as possible watching TV shows such as Home Improvement and Sex and the City to catch up.

4. Watching drunk people deep fry lasagna on Youtube is incredibly educational!

5. There's no better time than the present to experiment with a variety of napping schedules to see if any of them increase my quality of life.

6. I should reorganize my fridge, but I want to put some real thought into it first. Maybe I should look at pictures of other people's fridges on the internet. Maybe I should look at pictures of other people's kitchens on the internet. Oooh, what kind of faucet is that? Do they make that for a bathtub?

7. My brother's birthday is coming up, and I want to give him something he'll really like. This means putting lots of thought and Googling into the inner workings of the eight-year-old mind.

8. This is the perfect time to look for flannel sheets on clearance!

9. Who's that guy in that movie? You know, the one who was in that other movie? The taller one? Let's ask IMDB! Hey, wait, he was in that movie with HER? I thought she only did the other movies!

10. I should really update the doodles on my whiteboard, they've been there a really long time. I should draw something to commemorate the inauguration, but then again, I don't want my little brother to see such pornographic images.

So there you have it, folks, the top ten ways I have been improving my procrastinating ability! I hope you've been able to glean some ideas to use for your own procrastination improvement.

Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas!

I know Christmas isn't supposed to be all about the presents, but dude, I got LOOT!

My favorite gifts of the day were a pair of waffle earrings, a pair of submarine sandwich earrings, a scarf hanger, Jenga, the Sex and the City series box set, and a Magic 8 ball.

I know I'm a dork, but I'm a happy dork, so it's okay.

I also love giving gifts, so here are the gifts I'm most proud of this year:

A Pin Art Frame

This is a picture (ala Amazon.com) of the Pin Art toy I got for my 7-year-old brother. He had a ball with it, especially once he figured out he could use cookie cutters in it.


A USB Pet Rock

What better gift for a teenager connected to their laptop by a USB-powered umbilical cord? I love all things Think Geek, but this one may just take the cake.

The Bro Code

This was a last-minute gift for my roommate that ended up being a big hit, which means he will be getting The Playbook for his birthday.


A Mix CD

Not exactly glamorous, and more than a little old-school, I put together a mix CD for my roommate every Christmas. Two years ago it was a collection of Christmas songs, last year it was a bunch of goofy country songs I knew he loved, and this year he put in a request for the nineteen(!) songs you see listed above. Yes, he has very eclectic (read: somewhat questionable) taste, but that's okay.





 All in all, I had a very nice Christmas. I sufficiently survived the day at my parents' house and thoroughly enjoyed my evening at home with my roommate. How was your day?

It's Christmas Eve and I'm a Crazy Person

Merry Christmas Eve! (except not really, because it's after midnight here, but whatever)

My roommate is in bed, which means I'm running around my house playing Santa Claus right now.

So far I have printed covers for two mix CDs, hacked my roommate's computer to download Angry Birds onto it, wrapped three last minute presents, tidied up my living room and kitchen, broken my CD player, put all our Christmas cards on display, and set out all the Santa food.

Observe:

Our Christmas Card Display

All these cards were eating my island, so they have officially been relocated to the living room wall.

 
 The Santa Food

I wasn't allowed to believe in Santa when I was a kid, but I love food, and it only seems fitting that the abundance of munchies that descend on my house at Christmastime be a gift from Santa. Besides, you don't get as fat if it's a gift, right? Right?

Now I have to jump in the shower, figure out something to wear tomorrow, and go to bed. Luckily, I have my gear ready to go for the morning:

 
What are your Christmas Eve traditions? Are you being a crazy person this year too?

Happy Thanksgiving!

Happy Thanksgiving, everybody!


I'm not usually a very thankful person. It's a terrible thing to say, but it's true. I usually go about my life taking everything for granted, or being pessimistic and telling myself nothing is actually worth being happy about.

Today, though, is Thanksgiving. An entire day devoted to gratitude. At least, kind of. It's also devoted to turkeys and pilgrims, but we'll save that for some other time.

Below is my list of the top five things I'm thankful for this year. While it could be much longer and much more complex, these are the things that instantly pop into my head when I think about what I'm grateful for.

5. The Internet
Maybe it makes me a bad person to be thankful for the internet, but it's true. I'm a child of the technological age and I would be completely lost without the internet. I use it to learn, to shop, and to avoid calling people to ask them stupid questions. I will be forever grateful to Al Gore for inventing the internet. :-) 

4. My Job
My job sucks. I hate my job. But no matter how frustrating my job is, I am very glad I have it and the paychecks it provides.

3. My Friends
My friends mean the world to me. They make me happy, they teach me things, and they give me people to care about and spend time with. They keep me from being lonely. I love every single one of them, and I am so thankful they're in my life.

2. My Roommate
Yeah, sure, he's a friend, but I love my roommate enough that he's in a class of his own. He's given me a great place to live, he feeds me, he fixes the bathtub drain, and he lets me use his awesome TV. Without this guy, I'd probably be living in a crappy apartment with a bunch of cockroaches, trying to stay out all night doing stupid things just so I didn't have to go home. 

1. My Brother
The number one thing I am thankful for is my little brother. My brother completely changed my life in the best possible way, and he gave me a reason not to give up on family completely. He's sweet and funny and creative and I couldn't have asked for more.


What are you thankful for this year?

Hallogivmas

I currently have bats hanging all over my living room,  Thanksgiving recipes open in my internet browser, and, to top it all off, I have a Christmas CD in my stereo.

This is wrong.

I'm typically very strict about my holiday seasons and go VERY FAR out of my way to keep them from overlapping. I make a habit of giving dirty looks to anyone going Christmas-crazy before Thanksgiving, and for me (and my roommate, by association), the Christmas season isn't allowed to officially start until December 6th.

This year, however, I have failed myself.

Have you ever tried to give yourself a dirty look in the mirror? It's not very good for your self esteem. I don't recommend it.

My first brilliant idea to keep myself chilled-out this year was to be uber-organized. I started this by setting up an Excel file with gift lists. It's not helping. No, as a matter of fact, I think I spent ten minutes staring at it, getting more depressed. ("Holy crap, how am I supposed to get all this done on time????? Do I actually like these people? Do they like me back? Am I going to spend too much money on Bethany? Am I going to spend too little money on Matt? Are these worth buying? Am I going to have to special order that? How long does it take to ship DVDs from Liechtenstein?") It shouldn't be this daunting. It really shouldn't. I only have fourteen names on this list. *cough* (It may be SLIGHTLY more than fourteen presents. Maybe. Just slightly. It might possibly be, oh, I don't know....closer to 53 or something.....but that's just a guess!)

After angsting over my Christmas presents, it finally hit me that Thanksgiving is in less than a week. Yep, that's right. Less than seven days. By my calculations, I have less than 119 hours before Thanksgiving. In those 119 hours, I have to work 30 hours at my sucky day job, bake at least two pies, conjure up a Thanksgiving menu I may actually be able to cook without disaster, clean my house so it's semi-presentable, figure out who I'm actually spending Thanksgiving with this year, and then maybe try to sleep at some point.

Me? Stressed? Nooooo.....

I'm also beginning to think it might be time to take down my Halloween decorations, since the people two doors down already have their lawn buried under Christmas decorations. Then again, if I keep procrastinating and stressing out about other stuff, maybe I can just leave them up until next year.

How are your holiday plans coming along? Are you cool as a cucumber or will you be running around like a madman trying to buy cranberry sauce on Wednesday night like me?