I Haz a Bike

A few weeks ago I purchased a bicycle.

Here is what I have learned from having a bicycle in this short time frame:

1. You really can forget how to ride a bike.
I haven't been on a bicycle since age ten. I am now twenty. That's ten years bicycle-less for those of you who can't count. If you let ten years pass, yes, you really do forget how to ride a bike. I was able to enjoy the incredibly humiliating experience of attempting to relearn how to ride a "two wheeler" in the school parking lot while some random six year old was zipping and zooming in circles around the playground on her bike.

2. Bicycle seats hurt.
Especially when you hit a rock. Or run into a curb. Or when they're too tall for your shortness and you impale yourself with it in a very delicate area.

3. Cyclists are not accommodated.
At least, not where I'm from. The "bicycle path" my city advertises is an extra 8-inch-wide lane running beside the second-busiest road in town. It is full of leaves, old rain water, and Burger King cups.

4. Cyclists are excellent secret-keepers.
After many, many, many, many hours of Googling (yes, that is a word), I was able to discover several bike paths a 1-2 hour drive away. Most of them were rail-to-trail paths. Lots of them were in DC. A few more were dirt. It wasn't until I illegally trespassed into a road-blocked subdivision-to-be that I discovered a bike path, oh, one mile away from my house. Upon further exploration, I discovered this bike path runs through a nice quiet neighborhood in one direction and into a park in the other direction. Kudos to the dude who set that one up. No, really! He just needs a better publicist.

5. I am stupid.
During my latest bicycling expedition (see item #4), I biked approximately seven miles (according to Google). If you had asked me, I'd have guessed three. I was out for roughly one hour. If you had asked me, I probably would have said two and a half. I also could not for the life of me figure out how to use the seven gears on my bicycle. Which leads me to my next point....

6. I am out of shape.
I walk my bike up hills. I have no other option, really, unless I have an extra forty-two years to spend peddling up one hill. Supposedly the seven gears I procured with this bicycle are intended to help with this, but it didn't really work out for me. (First gear? Peddlepeddlepeddle = move half an inch. Sixth gear? Ppppeeeeddddddddlllleeee = move half an inch.) By the time I got home from my seven-mile excursion my face was bright red, my heart was pounding, and it took 20 minutes in an icy cold shower to cool down. Oh yeah, and my legs felt like jello.

7. Sedans are not bike-friendly.
I have a big sedan. I can fit my brother AND his bike in my back seat. My bike? Not so much. One would think the best solution to this problem would be to utilize one of the many bicycle racks on the market designed to adhere to your fossil-fuel-powered vehicle of choice. Think again. My fossil-fuel-powered vehicle of choice happens to have a very high trunk, which, with a bicycle rack attached, renders my rear window completely and utterly useless. I don't know about you, but I like having the capability to see behind me while driving. The obvious sight-friendly solution would seem to be a roof-mounted bicycle rack. However, being as out of shape as I am, lifting a bicycle over my head onto the roof of my car and holding it steady while attaching it securely just isn't within my physical capability. Last but not least, there is the option of chucking my bike into the back of my roommate's pickup truck, however (I just can't catch a break), he drives a stick shift and I....don't.

8. Biking is fun.
Perhaps it's just the endorphins talking (I do get endorphins from all this exercise, right? Right? RIGHT?) but cycling is fun! Especially the whooshing down hills bit. Also the not falling off when going around a curve bit. And the being outside bit. I think I may just stick with this bicycling thing.