Free Basic Calendar Download

Hello people of the internet!

I know I'm a little late to the party, but I needed a super-basic semi-cute calendar to use for my blog scheduling (for my other blog, My Half Assed Kitchen, plug plug) this year and ended up making my own. Since I spent a crazy amount time working on it I am sharing my efforts with you so I feel slightly less pathetic and dorky. I know it's not anything fantabulously special, but I like it and I hope it helps out somebody else out there.

This link should take you to the Google Drive version of the calendar where you can download and print it and give it to all your friends.

Here's a sneak peek:

If the link glitches out, please let me know and I will try to correct it.

Happy scheduling!

Why iPhone Users Suck

The iPhone is the most amazing thing to ever happen to portable technology, right?

Wrong.

The iPhone was the  worst thing to ever happen to mobile phone users and those who love them.

The iPhone induced selective amnesia in all its users. In an instant, a word was removed from their collective vocabulary. The word phone.

"Omigod, I just dropped my iPhone!"

Wait, you dropped your iPhone? Omigod, this is an emergency, isn't it! I mean, it's no big deal when I drop my, yaknow, phone, but you dropped your iPhone? This is serious!

"I just got this new case for my iPhone."

Hey, that's awesome! It must be so nice having an accessory with its own accessories. Very picture-in-picture, if you know what I mean.

"All my contacts are saved in my iPhone!"

Man, that is some sweet technology right there. I can only store contacts that start with Q in my phone.

I can't wait for the jPhone to come out and make all these suckers wandering around with their super-fancy iPhones look like idiots.

Me, I'll still be rocking my good old LG.

2014 New Years Resolutions

We just discussed my 2013 resolutions failures.

I have decided to set myself up for failure again in 2014. I am doing this by selecting the most cliche resolution of all time: losing weight.

Allow me to explain.

My weight has fluctuated pretty drastically over the last couple of years. I am currently 13 pounds heavier than I was when I had my license reissued this summer. That is not cool. My goal is to lose the 13 pounds during the first half of the year and STAY at that weight for the remainder of the year (and beyond).

Now, before you go ragging on me that I'm unhealthy and super fat and must be ugly and unlovable and I should hate myself for being bigger than a size 2, I would just like to tell you to shut the hell up because you aren't perfect either and in this particular instance you are flat-out WRONG.

Also, before you go ragging on me about accepting myself the way I am and not being defined by a number on a scale, I would like to say that you are misinformed. I really don't give a crap what I weigh. I am perfectly happy being 120 pounds if I look good and feel good, but I'm also perfectly happy being 170 pounds if I look good and feel good. The BMI scale is bologna and doesn't deserve the control it has over our current views on body size.

My primary reason for wanting to drop the weight is simply that I don't feel comfortable at my current size. My pants are too tight, my shirts are too short, and I personally find my disproportionate gut to be unattractive to me, which kills my confidence.

My secondary goal for the year is to rebuild my bank balance. I loved the sense of accomplishment I felt looking at my growing bank account, and I want to reclaim that and surpass my savings from 2013. Hopefully no dirtbags will steal my car this year. That would be nice.

What are you resolving to accomplish in 2014? Did you meet your goals for 2013?