I'm in a pissy mood today, so allow me to share with you a conversation I have had multiple times in the last few months with complete strangers that has helped contribute to my pissiness.
Stranger: So, are you in school?
Me: No sir.
Stranger: You already finished?
Me: No sir.
Stranger: Why aren't you in school?
Me: Because I work full time. Would you like this stapled?
Stranger: That's no excuse. You should be more ambitious.
Me: I'll get there eventually. Will there be anything else for you today?
Stranger: When I was your age I was working full time, going to school, and had three kids to feed.
Me: Very good. Would you like a bag?
Stranger: You're not being very friendly. You know, I usually get the best service here.
Me: That will be $1.47. Thank you. Have a nice day.
I swear, this is only a slightly exaggerated example. I have seriously had people tell me I'm not driven enough because I find that working a full time job instead of going to school to be a reasonable decision at this point in my life. I'm considering using this particular response next time the conversation comes up:
Stranger: So, are you in school?
Me: No sir.
Stranger: You already finished?
Me: No sir.
Stranger: Why aren't you in school?
Me: Because I work full time doing shit for you that you should be fully capable doing yourself, what with your fancy college degree and all. And because you want me to do this for you whenever it's convenient for you, I'm not permitted by the company to have any alternative commitments or a personal life.
Stranger: That's no excuse. You should be more ambitious.
Me: You know what, that's a great idea. I'll just quit my full-time supervisory position here, live in a refrigerator box, and get my Masters in Rocket Science from Stanford.
Stranger: When I was your age I was working full time, going to school, and had three kids to feed.
Me: Man, sucks to be you. Me, I've chosen to utilize these fantastic little rubber things that let me have all the dirty recreational sex I want without getting knocked up.
Stranger: You're not being very friendly. You know, I usually get the best service here.
Me: If you don't like the service, don't come back. Have a nice day, asshole.
Please, please, please, if you find yourself on the stranger's end of this conversation, mind your own business. It's not your place to ask anyone in the service industry about their family, relationship status, religious beliefs, political preferences, or any other facet of their personal lives. Keep your opinions to yourself, be polite, get your shit and get out. Anything beyond that is overstepping your bounds and preventing the person you're harassing from doing their job.
(Sorry about the rant. Feel free to post your own long-winded stories of woe in the comments.)
Thursday, January 31, 2013
Wednesday, January 23, 2013
Procrastination!
It's been a while since I've posted, so I thought it would be a good idea to check in.
First of all, allow me to explain my absence: I have committed to perfecting the art of procrastination. While I still have a long ways to go, I've developed a strong start. Below is my list of the top 10 things that have been aiding my procrastinating ability.
1. Getting a head start on my taxes is a great idea. I should take many frequent trips to the post office to check for my W2s.
2. Plants vs. Zombies is a very important part of my brain exercises, and if I'm not careful, my roommate will actually surpass me, and that wouldn't be good.
3. My cultural immersion started very late, therefore I should spend as much time as possible watching TV shows such as Home Improvement and Sex and the City to catch up.
4. Watching drunk people deep fry lasagna on Youtube is incredibly educational!
5. There's no better time than the present to experiment with a variety of napping schedules to see if any of them increase my quality of life.
6. I should reorganize my fridge, but I want to put some real thought into it first. Maybe I should look at pictures of other people's fridges on the internet. Maybe I should look at pictures of other people's kitchens on the internet. Oooh, what kind of faucet is that? Do they make that for a bathtub?
7. My brother's birthday is coming up, and I want to give him something he'll really like. This means putting lots of thought and Googling into the inner workings of the eight-year-old mind.
8. This is the perfect time to look for flannel sheets on clearance!
9. Who's that guy in that movie? You know, the one who was in that other movie? The taller one? Let's ask IMDB! Hey, wait, he was in that movie with HER? I thought she only did the other movies!
10. I should really update the doodles on my whiteboard, they've been there a really long time. I should draw something to commemorate the inauguration, but then again, I don't want my little brother to see such pornographic images.
So there you have it, folks, the top ten ways I have been improving my procrastinating ability! I hope you've been able to glean some ideas to use for your own procrastination improvement.
First of all, allow me to explain my absence: I have committed to perfecting the art of procrastination. While I still have a long ways to go, I've developed a strong start. Below is my list of the top 10 things that have been aiding my procrastinating ability.
1. Getting a head start on my taxes is a great idea. I should take many frequent trips to the post office to check for my W2s.
2. Plants vs. Zombies is a very important part of my brain exercises, and if I'm not careful, my roommate will actually surpass me, and that wouldn't be good.
3. My cultural immersion started very late, therefore I should spend as much time as possible watching TV shows such as Home Improvement and Sex and the City to catch up.
4. Watching drunk people deep fry lasagna on Youtube is incredibly educational!
5. There's no better time than the present to experiment with a variety of napping schedules to see if any of them increase my quality of life.
6. I should reorganize my fridge, but I want to put some real thought into it first. Maybe I should look at pictures of other people's fridges on the internet. Maybe I should look at pictures of other people's kitchens on the internet. Oooh, what kind of faucet is that? Do they make that for a bathtub?
7. My brother's birthday is coming up, and I want to give him something he'll really like. This means putting lots of thought and Googling into the inner workings of the eight-year-old mind.
8. This is the perfect time to look for flannel sheets on clearance!
9. Who's that guy in that movie? You know, the one who was in that other movie? The taller one? Let's ask IMDB! Hey, wait, he was in that movie with HER? I thought she only did the other movies!
10. I should really update the doodles on my whiteboard, they've been there a really long time. I should draw something to commemorate the inauguration, but then again, I don't want my little brother to see such pornographic images.
So there you have it, folks, the top ten ways I have been improving my procrastinating ability! I hope you've been able to glean some ideas to use for your own procrastination improvement.
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